Just fell off a train. Bad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
