Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
