we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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