Need sex. Gaining weight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
