She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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