where am i from again
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
