I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
