How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize