He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
