you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
