No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
