so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So vagazzling was a success
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
