Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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