Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
