god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
