True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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