Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you will always have a special place in my vag
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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