you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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