A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
