i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
