Pappa wants mamma naked
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
