i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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