the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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