I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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