Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
