i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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