whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Pants 0. Shit 1.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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