Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We got so high we made milksteak
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
