The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
