She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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