uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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