is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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