Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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