I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize