I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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