i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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