If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
