I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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