look no pants
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
