OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
