I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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