it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
