eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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