The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He better not be in your backpack
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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