no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
