Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
