he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
