you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
