I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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