she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
