There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
