why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
