I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
