Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
