i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize