i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize