i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
