shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
