Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
