All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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