new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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