Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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