I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
