how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
